Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimised by Regina George the Forbes 30 Under 30 list.
It began like every other morning. A brief scroll through LinkedIn, a heavy amount of eye-rolling, and there it was. A post about the 30 Under 30 list from someone I didn’t particularly like in my previous job and now, incidentally, cannot stand.
If you’re not familiar, this list lays out 30 notable people (“the brightest young entrepreneurs, leaders, and stars”) under 30 years old in various industries. North America has its own list, as does Europe and the Middle East among others.
There was the 24-year-old CEO who opened a video game center in 2020 that’s now valued at $2.5 million. The 27-year-old author who, after 16 rejections, pitched her novel on social media, sold 24k+ copies in the first week and now has a 7-figure movie deal. The 27-year-old woman who raised $40 million to make egg harvesting cheaper and safer by using human stem cells to mature ova in a lab. I had to Google that last part.
So. Much. Success. So. Very. Young.
My 31-year-old award-unworthy blood went cold.
There was only one thing for it.
I looked down at Winston1.
Perhaps, I thought aloud, if I can’t be a hot, young, disgustingly successful thing then you can. You can be like Maxine, the famous corgi-in-a-backpack from New York who has millions of followers and a legion of celebrity friends. You’re technically only 28 years old in human years and anyway, the public is much more forgiving about an animal’s age. There’s no such thing as “past it” in Corgidom. Not with delicious little legs like yours.
So, what do you say?
He blinked at me.
Then he turned around and left the room.
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Once upon a time, achieving “greatness” (whatever that means) before the age of 20, then 25, then 30 was alluring. So alluring, in fact, that it’s one of the reasons why I started juggling myriad creative pursuits in the first place.2
I thought that by hedging my bets across various different side projects, I’d accelerate my journey to fame and fortune. From 2015-2020, all while working a full-time job, these are some of the goals I set:
Write a book
Become an actor
Make Instagram my full-time gig3
Become an actor? Aged 25? When there are talented actors struggling to find paid work and that’s their job? Their focus 100% of the time?
Exactly.
Fortunately, as I inched closer to 30 and the realisation that not only did I not need to achieve all my biggest hopes and dreams asap but that I physically couldn’t, something wonderful happened.
I had a complete mindset shift.
I stopped setting goals to complete within an arbitrary timeframe.
I started making habits, instead.
Here’s a list of goals that I am not working towards:
Buying a house
Running a marathon
Getting a literary agent
Becoming fluent in Italian
Reading 35 books this year
Here’s the problem with those goals.
They’re lofty and overwhelming and for 1 + 3, hugely reliant on good fortune, good timing, or knowing/being related to the right people.
And if I don’t achieve them, then what?
Do I stop trying because I falsely believe that I’m not good/talented/hard-working enough and should cut my losses before I waste any more time?
I could do that.
But what I’d rather do, is change the way I measure success.
Not by whether I hit X goal by X date, but by whether I’m making regular effort to do the incremental but necessary work that will help me get there.
Because if I’ve learned anything from listening to thousands of hours of podcast interviews with talented actors, writers, and business owners, it’s that getting what you thought you wanted (the book deal, the house, the name up in lights) can often be an anti-climax.
Or, as
calls it, the Arrival Myth. The idea that when you achieve a certain goal, you will—finally—‘arrive’. In reality, people rarely (if ever) feel that way.So instead of setting lofty goals, here are the habits I’m making/have made instead:
Invest a fixed % of my monthly income into a S&S ISA
Run for 25mins each morning Mon-Weds
Wake up at 6 a.m. (on weekdays) + (try to) write until 8
Do 1 lesson on Duolingo each morning Mon-Fri
Read for (at least) 15 minutes every night before bed
Without the self-inflicted pressure of getting a literary agent by the end of 2023, instead, I am making daily progress to (re)write the best book I’ve ever written.
Without committing to a marathon (something I totally admire, by the way!) and instead focusing on getting through 25 minutes of running without having a heart attack, I’ve now (miraculously!) been running 3x a week for a year!!!4
Rejecting the societal expectation to get on the property ladder as soon as possible (+ recognizing that this simply isn’t possible without a lottery win, help from family, or taking on huge repayments), I’m now really enjoying investing money into a high yield ISA and not using it to pay off massive interest on an already enormous mortgage. What am I investing for? That’s another goal I haven’t chosen just yet.
I’ve found that focusing on habits rather than setting big goals is so freeing.
But what do you think? Are you motivated more by time-bound goals or daily/weekly habits?
Incidentally, I know this is something James Clear writes about in his very successful book, Atomic Habits. I’ve never read it, but I know people love it.
P.S. I’m so aware that all of this 30 under 30 stuff is BS and 31 is! so! young! But if I can’t share my irrational thoughts here, where can I?
P.P.S. Bonnie Garmus wrote Lessons in Chemistry when she was 60. Very much not under 30 and very much the coolest.
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Winston is a corgi. My only colleague, his wise eyes provide great comfort. Even if he’s only using them to get treats.
That and death anxiety. It has a nice way of making you believe that you must do everything now before time runs out.
I didn’t achieve that goal, but this account is the reason I’m now a freelance marketer… a story for another day.
I was absolutely terrible at running at first and truly cannot believe this lifelong anti-exerciser is finally now a… runner(ish)?
I am 58 and feel like I have left the building 😅
That’s great that you’re doing more sessions with BIID, Bella. I’ve really enjoyed the ones I’ve attended before and found them super helpful.
I’m planning to sign up for the linked in workshop. It’s a bewildering place as a career changer!