💔 How I handle rejection
5 ways I soothe the sting
At the beginning of this month, I jumped on a call with a dream client. The conversation flowed, I felt like we were really clicking, I followed up with lots of ideas. A week later, they came back to say they’d decided to hire in-house.
If I may make the leap — being a freelancer isn’t dissimilar to writing a novel (which I’m also trying to do because, apparently, I’m a masochist). If you decide to write one that you hope will one day sell, you are — whether you like it or not — choosing to endure rejection. You’ve heard the stories of successful author after successful author, who got rejected five hundred thousand times before their novel eventually got signed many years and multiple drafts after first putting pen to paper. And those are only the success stories…
Freelancing is the same. Pitching for work, applying for roles, putting yourself out there — only to be told no, your rates are too high, we’re not looking for support right now. Or, worse of all, hearing nothing. Because in my experience, rejection is better than silence. Silence is its own particular torture. It’s the hope that keeps you checking your inbox. A clean no, however brutal, at least lets you move on. Silence keeps you suspended.
But unfortunately, if you want to push yourself, pursue a dream, have the audacity to try — rejection is inevitable.
So how do I handle it? How do I overcome those feelings of powerlessness and not, crucially, take it personally?
Allow it to sit with me for a day
Rejection stings. It gets easier (more on that in a moment), but it never stops stinging entirely.
When I get a rejection, I acknowledge it. I allow myself to feel rubbish for the day and treat myself to some chocolate or a particularly trashy TV show that evening. I know I’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep — and that knowledge gives me permission to have a proper wallow, rather than trying to push through or mask the disappointment, before picking myself up again.
Talk to a freelancer friend
Nothing beats voice-noting a good freelancer friend and commiserating together. Emma, I’m looking at 🤍 They’ve been through it. They understand the highs and lows of this life in a way that most other friends and family couldn’t, which means they know exactly what to say — and what not to say.
How to pep you up and slag off the prospect (I’m joking, sort of) and give you a renewed sense of optimism.
Find the lesson
Once I’ve wallowed and vented, I get analytical. If we’re talking about trying to secure new business*, I look back over my outreach messages, my process, the people I’ve been pitching to, and I ask myself a few questions. Questions like…
What’s the difference between the proposals that got a yes and those that got a no? Not just the message itself, but the process, the relationship, the timing?
How could I improve my approach next time?
Am I pitching the right kind of client?
Did I do enough nurturing before I pitched?
Where have my best clients come from historically — and how do I reverse engineer that?
There’s always a lesson in there somewhere. Though I will say: getting analytical is not the same as concluding that you’re the problem. A rejection is almost never about your ability. I’d go as far as to say it’s never about your ability. It’s about fit, timing, budget, internal politics. Stuff you have absolutely no control or visibility over, but which you’ll torture yourself with for days and weeks afterwards anyway because you’re human. Could’ve I said things differently? Priced lower? Smiled more? No.
This is very much a them, not you situation. Repeat after me: Them, Not Me.
*If you’d like advice about getting rejections for novels, let me know! I’m more than happy to share/swap horror stories.
Focus on something else
This usually means turning my attention to something completely different — like my passion projects. Creative writing, building Corgi Companion, working on this newsletter, anything that’s fully mine. Something I’ve built and nurtured without needing permission or validation from anyone else. It’s a very freeing outlet when my freelance career is particularly challenging.
Keep going — because the more rejections you get, the easier they become
I’ve been writing novels for 14 years. I’ve been freelancing for 6. I’m used to rejection by now. And I can honestly say: the more you put yourself out there — yes, the more rejections you get. But also, along the way, the more conversations you have, the more people you meet, the more resilience you build.
Rejection is normal. Natural. I try to see it as a signal — a nudge towards a better opportunity, or a lesson that’ll help prepare me for what is meant to be. There cannot be success without rejection. So we must keep going, keep trying, and use rejections as stepping stones.
And on those days it feels especially hard, I come back to all the wonderful authors who inspire me. Who didn’t give up. Who got tens, sometimes hundreds, of rejections, and still kept going.
What’s your go-to way of picking yourself back up after a rejection? I’d love any advice you have to share.
Bella xo
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It’s so tough and I agree that silence is worse than a rejection. Especially when you’ve put lots of time into a call or a pitch and then you hear nothing. But, as you say, at least a rejection is honest and direct and we can try to learn from it. I usually try to distract myself with something unrelated and usually 24 hours later it doesn’t feel quite so bad. Onwards we go. We definitely need a 🍸 soon!
LOVE this! I'm currently freelancing alongside my full-time agency role and working in an agency, seeing rejection day in, day out has taught me sooo much - definitely the "it's normally them, not you" viewpoint